We are just hours away from jumping in the big blue truck and heading to Memphis for our 2nd year at the Folk Alliance Conference. Mind you, the name of this swanky affair does not do it justice. This isn't one of those things where "folkies" sit around and pluck Harmony guitars while singing of their past relationships with the earth and unleavened bread. No, this is something you have to train for.

Sleep is not acceptable at this conference. Running the hotel hallways in your underwear is. The all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet is highly recommended if you want to make it through the day. After that, beer is the life blood of this thing. And when I say "thing" I mean it. Last year Steve Poltz proclaimed in front of the Music Fog cameras that this whole "thing" was his idea. And that we could expect improvements this year. Steve claimed that he plans on selling Foreigner cassettes in the lobby for "drastic discounts." He also plans on a "Rambo-thon" somewhere nearby "so everybody can make it there." Keep in mind this is all coming from the guy who wrote "Hand Job On A Church Bus." I can't wait Steve.

Last year there was an artist who claimed to have taken a dump at Elvis' house while Elvis was still alive. I won't name names, but his sounded a lot like Bob Cheevers. I still swear that he's the kind of guy who will die in a freak ballooning accident. So he's probably good for another thirty or so years.

I don't know what to expect this year. But I am scared. Scared that we might make more new friends at this "thing." Scared that Celebrity Coaches will set us up with the bus called "Blue Eyes" again. Why? Because it has a damn Jagermeister machine on board. And you know it will get used at this swanky affair!

I'll be brave.

-Beans